Hell
by Volker Weber
One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with the Devil. The Devil asked,
- "Why you so glum?"
The guy responded,
- "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
- "Hell's not so bad," the Devil said. "We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"
- "Sure," the man said, "I love to drink."
- "Well you're going to love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and Fresco. We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!"
The guy is astounded,
- "Damn, that sounds great," he said.
- "You a smoker?" the Devil asked.
- "You better believe it!" the guy said.
- "You're going to love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no big deal. You're already dead, remember?" said the Devil.
- "Wow," the guy said, "that's awesome!"
The Devil continued,
- "I bet you like to gamble."
- "Why? Yes. As a matter of fact I do." said the guy.
- "Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow," the Devil said.
- "You into drugs?" the Devil continued.
- "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean..." said the guy.
- "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!" said the Devil.
- "Wow," the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation, "I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"
The Devil then asked him,
- "You gay?"
- "No," replied the guy.
- "Ooooooh, you're going to HATE Fridays!" said the Devil.
[Thanks, Wolfgang]
Comments
Well, Hell isn't a bad place at all, like this irish saying shows:
Why worry?
There are only two things to worry about: either you are well or you are sick. If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about.
But if you are sick, there are two things for you to worry about: either you will get well or you will die. If you get well, then there is nothing to worry about.
If you die then there are two things to worry about: either you go up or down. If you go up then there is nothing to worry about.
But if you go down you will be so busy shaking hands with old friends you won't have time to worry.
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