You have two cows ...

by Volker Weber

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells, the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public buys your bull.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

A HINDU CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

AN ISRAELI CORPORATION:
So, there are these two Jewish cows, right?
They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors.
So, who needs people?

AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
That one on the left is kinda cute...

Comments

Recent comments

Matthias Welling on Tools and Weapons #nowreading at 09:05
Ingo Harpel on You may secretly be a Bing user at 20:01
Amy Blumenfield on Tools and Weapons #nowreading at 19:44
Horia Stanescu on You are famous on Botnet at 12:33
Volker Weber on You are famous on Botnet at 20:17
Dr. Kurt Glasner on You are famous on Botnet at 17:29
Mathias Ziolo on You are famous on Botnet at 14:12
Stephan Herz on You may secretly be a Bing user at 13:45
Volker Weber on Man stelle sich vor, es ist MWC, und keiner geht hin at 20:19
Andy Mell on Man stelle sich vor, es ist MWC, und keiner geht hin at 19:53
Volker Weber on You may secretly be a Bing user at 19:09
René Fischer on You may secretly be a Bing user at 19:02
Roland Dressler on Man stelle sich vor, es ist MWC, und keiner geht hin at 13:00
Tobias Müller on Man stelle sich vor, es ist MWC, und keiner geht hin at 09:22
Karl Heindel on Man stelle sich vor, es ist MWC, und keiner geht hin at 09:58
Bernhard Kockoth on Man stelle sich vor, es ist MWC, und keiner geht hin at 09:18
Jochen Kattoll on Surface Pro X vs Surface Pro 7 vs iPad Pro vs iPad at 16:56
Andreas Eldrich on Man stelle sich vor, es ist MWC, und keiner geht hin at 13:46
Armin Auth on Surface Pro X vs Surface Pro 7 vs iPad Pro vs iPad at 13:40
Markus Mews on Surface Pro X vs Surface Pro 7 vs iPad Pro vs iPad at 13:39
Andreas Eldrich on Man stelle sich vor, es ist MWC, und keiner geht hin at 13:30
Volker Weber on Surface Pro X vs Surface Pro 7 vs iPad Pro vs iPad at 12:44
Roland Dressler on Surface Pro X vs Surface Pro 7 vs iPad Pro vs iPad at 12:28
Volker Weber on Surface Pro X vs Surface Pro 7 vs iPad Pro vs iPad at 11:56
Roland Dressler on Surface Pro X vs Surface Pro 7 vs iPad Pro vs iPad at 11:46

Ceci n'est pas un blog

I explain difficult concepts in simple ways. For free, and for money. Clue procurement and bullshit detection.

vowe

Contact
Publications
Stuff that works
Amazon Wish List
Frequently Asked Questions

rss feed  twitter  amazon

Local time is 10:49

visitors.gif

Paypal vowe